triveni...

do bund aakhon se tapki aur mitti main mil gayi
kisine nahi dekha, hum bas umeed karte re gaye
pata nahi ye mann ka deepak bujhta kyun nahi.

yeh mann mera mera nahi, mujhe bathkata hain
jane din raat kya kya sapne dikhata hain
jo isse sabse pyara hain uske khilaf bhi le jata hain

maine jab mohabbat ki thi to khudko piche chod diya tha
phir kisi ne dil ko chuwa to uska ho gaya tha
koi gunah to nahi kiya, par dard dikhta hain mujhe meri aakhon main.

prisoner's dilemma

lately i have thinking about thoughts we have...how many of the things seem so trivial and yet doesn't work out. in game of prisoner's dilemma if both players cooperate, payoff to each is say 4, if one cooperates and other defaults, defaulter gets 7 and cooperator -2, if both default they each get nothing. here defaulting is dominant strategy but if games are repeated it will lead to losses as both the player would default.

i came across an example in a book "Games Indians Play" by Raghunathan. he talked of an experiment involving interaction of various world dwellers in which everyone's aim is to maximize his/her own payoff. various strategies were put to challenge, a tit for a tat, a tit for two tats, continuous defaulting after a tit (Grim strategy), random defaulting amidst cooperation, etc.. players with all these strategies were made to play in an simulation environment and the winner was - a Tit for a Tat also called Gentleman Strategy. All other strategies which seemed to be smarter hurt each other so much that they failed. taken on one to one basis, this strategy seem to loose as either you would be at par with opponent or a loser, but in many player environment, opponents come to know you and realize that they can cheat you once and win but would eventually loose out on much reward, so they stop defaulting... not so with other players who are random. Grim strategy loses out as by not forgiving, chances of future benefits are curtailed. thus being a "gentleman"[i should also use "lady" here], puts you in better position than any other strategy. COOPERATE till opponent defaults, DEFAULT till the opponent start cooperating again and continue, SIMPLE and a WINNER.
this idea is straight forward and proven to work, then why people don't apply it in their interactions, maybe because they feel only they can be good, or only they are smart or maybe they don't trust or they are fine with the things as it exists... or this thought which seems so trivial isn't so trivial.

perfection...

5-11-6

i see again those dreams
of perfection folded in my arms
again there is a desire
to break out of this self and reach it

why so strong a desire
yet so vague my vision
why the need for security
not so enthusiastic my actions

why the fear of losing
what i dont really want
why compromises for principles
for love, for whom i care

the desire for perfection
binds me now so strong
yet few moments pass
practical view settle, whoosh...its all gone

but traces will forever remain
sparks seldom will ignite
fuel for once i will give it
and reach out to fold my arms...

I will do it...lest I perish !

eyes...

15-10-06

kabhi teri aakhon ko dekhta huun
to tej roshni si nazar aati hain
aur meri aakhen disha badalne ke bajaye
is roshni main kho jati hain

phir meri aakhen is roshni ke aur pass aana chahti hain
itne pass ki teri roshni ka koi kann, meri aakhon ki roshni banjaye
aur is roshni main chipa thoda andhera
meri aakhon main basi teri roshni se jagmaga uthe, khatm ho jaye...

thank you teacher

05-09-06

Thank you
for the knowledge you have given
for the efforts you make
for the indifference you ignore
for the spirit you try and share
for trying again and again and again
and for what tomorrow we will be...

we may add
that words are not enough
and actions we are too weak to promise
though we may crib and show carelessness
but we know we are in safe and caring hands
though we may have at times taken you for granted
and looked at situation just from our angle
but with time we will learn
and forever we will be grateful
forgive our mistakes for your kids we will always be
learning, hurting, sorry and grateful.

khoya khoya...

05-10-06

ek khwab dil se juda, gehra maan main basa
par sama kuch alag sa, samay unchaha sa
bandise, aashaye, pyaar, tyaag aur duje sapne
par un dujo ke, jo hain bahot aapne...
sayad khud se bhi bahot jyada aapne
woh dil kare jo karne ki chah
par unjani ye rah...rah se bhatakti ye rah
samay par, aur khud par bharosa karna, dilasha dena
kal alag hoga, bas thodi duur aur..baar baar khud se kehna
itni baar ki aisa lagna ki khud se chalawa karna

kal ke liye aaj ko ladna hoga
swarthi ichao ko marna hoga
himmat hain to bhism banke dikha
aapni chodd apno ka jivan bana...

thoughts...

ek din ek ladka samander ke kinare khada tha... lehre aati aur apne saath kabhi kabhi koi machli bhi le aati. woh use uthata aur samander main wapas phek deta. usse aisa karte ek dusre ladke ne dekha aur hasne laga. bola samunder itna vishaal hain. itni saari machliya har pal bahar aati hain aur mar jati hain. uska aisa karne se kya farak padne wala hain. usne jawab diya ki uske aisa karne se bhale hi is stithi ko koi pharak nahi pada par us machli ke jivan par jisko usne bachaya bahot farak pada. yeh farak uske aisa karne ke liye kafi hain...
[dont know the source]

anineshwita

07-03-06

ek meri zindgi hain aur ek main hoon,
khwabo main soya, khwabo main khoya;
sacch ki aaradhna ko khwabo main dohrata,
pyaar ki lalak aur tripti ki pehchan, khwabon main pata.

us andekhe wyaktitwa ki aanjan talaash,
woh doobna, niche aur niche;
sacch aanjan ke liye ya kastoori sa ?
sawaal uthata aur jawabo ke liye doobta jata.

na jane kyun ek kashish si hoti jab jagta,
kyun phir khwabon ke aahwan ki chah hoti;
kyun mantramugdha sa jivan hi chahta,
kyun sacchayi ki talash main, sacchayi se door jata.

main aur mere khwab, ek bandhan main piroye,
ek duje main khoye... jivan se door ek 'anineshwita' ki talaash main.