boredddddddddddddd

Social work..making a difference. duh!!

today

i woke up at 10:30 for a meeting with vendor at 12 noon, i reached the destination on time. he is not there. i call him up...no response. there is agreement to be sent to mumbai tomorrow early morning. our consulting partner will courier it - they cant guarantee delivery of courier on time at 4:30 pm. our ever ready friend at partner's cant travel 10 min to courier it. i travel an hour one side to send the courier.

in every step there is grand wastage of time. why is there no optimization in this sector. why people are so busy feeding their ego and patting themselves on the back that they don't realize the amount of inefficiency there exists. they don't keep their time.

it is frustrating. i know i need to develop patience...dont know how?

oh society!

Oh Society! 10-03-08

I have nothing to prove, to nobody
I live my life, my way
My true companion on my way, my thoughts
I cherish them, feel them, express them!

I know you have no need for me
But I too have no need for your rules
Try and chain me, you will loose
I am free, today more than ever before!

Life to me is full of choices
Constrains I define, my passions I define
My sleep, my duty, my activities I decide
Unfettered by failure, more humbled by success!

Far ahead I know what I see
I am bold, I understand available paths
I am ready to move on, leave things behind
And reach out my hand for the stars to be mine!
And reach out my hand for the stars to be mine!

Federed..

The champion of all 4 grandslams, winner of 14 titles in just 6 years of his career...

thats an unbeatable record! a true genius of the game. it felt great to see him kiss the roland garros trophy...

he is a true master of his passion... hats of to this champion of champions!

maine ek phool se bola, teri mehek meri zindgi ko khusboo deti hai
wo sahem gaya, aur apni pankhudiyon ko band kar liya
main do pal thehra aur phir aage chala gaya...

escapist

I wish to create a melody
A hum that lightens my heart
A wave that settles my mind
And let me be in the present.

I am lost between my present and what I want
I spare too much time never getting to the point
I am becoming intolerant of myself and too tolerant of others
Never truly happy and never accepting my sadness
I am becoming an escapist, from self

I am holding back myself
I wish to tear my existence to shreds and move on!

i am bored! i wish for change... i see it coming, inshallah it happens soon.

trying new things...
what is it about humans that make them always wish to do things not done before..
is it the thrill of the unknown or just a manipulation of the mind to fit socially or expectattion of an experience not attended before.
why we get bored so easily with what we do; is it just that the things we are doing is not fit for us or there is an inner urge to explore more or is it just the evolution that can happen only by attempting unchartered territory.
often we believe that we need to do something else, but when we meet people having experiences we haven't yet had but desire, we dont see them feeling the way we expect to feel when we would be doing that thing.
i sound confused but i know this is the clearest i can be about my current state of mind.
i want to do a lot of things... acceptatble and unacceptable. in the world of my mind, i have solution to everything. but action is seldom there and condition can be held responsible; but i cant deny lethargy on my part. i see lot of energy wasted in me every moment but hardly any steps i have taken to invest it rightly.

what i experience i know is not unique to me. but i find it difficult to always live with it. i cant always expect God to show me the way and help me out... i dont want to just forget it all and go to sleep.

Innovation

Faraday was delivering a lecture on his new discovery 'Electricity'. At the end of it a lady approaches him and asks "I see what you present but of what use is this discovery?"

He repied "But ma'am, of what use is a new born child?"

What an insight! Like a new born child, a new idea has potential to change the world.

leftist or rightist..

i dont know how many of us have met and admired people of both leftist and rightist ideology. i am certainly one.

if we respect more than one religion, it is rarely seen as a problem in intellectual circle but why the same thing is not relevant for ideologies. there are differences in the religions, in their approach to salvation, but we tend to look beyond them and see what they represent at a depth, the message of universal brotherhood and love. Then why do we fight over minor differences in ideologies. in fact most people have been brainwashed to see the bad in the other and therefore is intolerant. it is an example of divide and rule which has been so effective since time unknown.

"the aim of argument should not be victory, but progress." whenever we debate as enemies, we tend to find mistakes in the other and become more and more extremists. we tend to spend more time in finding faults and less in seeing what tweaking can be done to our approach to make it more more effective. in fact both approaches are beautiful and is capable of doing equal level of goodness. These approaches have same outcome of progress along the way as it is with practicing different religions.

the extreme rightist is intolerant towards other religion at times, the extreme leftist wiped out its opponents and industries leading to fall of USSR. but why look at this examples. infact they only exist because of lack of acceptance of goodness of the other. if you see goodness in someone, the other person see goodness in you and together you both become comfortable and build foundation for coperation and progress. the same is possible with the proponents of these ideologies. only if they could kill the malice in their heart for the opposite and start seeing the goodness.

i believe that the next state of evolution will wipe out the differences that exist between them and we will see a more collective approach. Now you may wonder that i may be some buddhist monk who always likes the middle path. Though this is not completely false, it isn't an absolute ly true either... :)

to you...

where does sex and virginity stand in front of love
when has world understood people like you
you are an anchor to more lives than your own
i cant see you faded and down
you have the maturity to feel what others' aspire
and the guts to stand up against all odds
i only wish to see happiness in your eyes
and if need be, let me know...i will be there!

and whats between you both must be pure
live it and relish every moment
they are not moments to be lost.

back from cairo to saudi...

i will remember those lighted streets and sheesas and music
i will remember the relaxed attitude of the masses
i will remember the beautiful faces embedded with angelic eyes
i will remember the hip dance of the whores at haram

the mighty pyramids, museum with unparalleled treasure
the snorkeling at sharm, hitting on a italian beauty
some learning too amidst a lot of fun, i will remember all
Except an often made enquiry, "Are you muslim?"

4th december

it seems that i need to speak to myself and i also realized that the thoughts are fair enough to be shared. Therefore I have decided to be a regular blogger henceforth.

about the mumbai attacks

1) the root cause is inequality and feeding on the situation by people who brainwash..very simple.

2) the ease with which corruption is possible in our indian setting leading to break through across various security barriers that should ideally exist.

3) the ease with which most of us accept the situation, not being directly affected.

4) the ease with which we can pass the blame to our neighbors holding them responsible. even if they were the once who planned, are we incapable of defending ourselves? where is the strategy, hasn't this been happening since last 60 years?

5) the media is focused on display of breaking news, reiterating how close their colleagues are to the danger. have they ever tried to look deep into the root causes, presenting not so entertaining realities of common suppressed lives in india from kashmir to north eastern to narmada effected area in MP to naxalites in the east.

i know i dont understand most of the stuff and am trivializing issues with deep problems. but i am tired of our approach or rather attitude.

why am i cribbing and not doing something...

I have a ready excuse!


beyond this i will try to be a little different, so readers discretion is requested. my reason for being different here is simply that the opposite views have been iterated again and again, and this very valid view has died along the way.

since 26th, i have received hundred mails to sign for the fact that i am not afraid and that objective of terrorist attack to drive fear into our spine has failed.

i dont understand how death of over 270 of us be called a failed mission. i acknowledge the effort of hard working souls that are initiating such a drive. but if looked deeply, it results in being more of excuse to run away from the situation and continue to live as if nothing happened. synergy of these collective energy is needed to accomplish objective of beating the monster at its roots rather than superficially creating an aura with a very short life. what all this will rather lead to is people becoming more extremists in their heart and saffronizing the upcoming election, not on the basis of relevant issues but rather on developed hatred (not fear) despite the fact that saffroners dont have one leader in their team we can look upto.

lets look at terrorism. few misdirected, passionate people creating havoc to challenge the existing status quo and way of life (pardon me for such a romantic definition). the reason could be the circumstances around leading to pull towards an extremist, intolerable ideology preaching life thats looks like a door for better tomorrow to them. most of them are simple people with a lot of hatred for the way the things are. their aim is not to drive fear in us but more importantly to bring to attention the things we tend to ignore, with a bang and to hit back against what they hold as responsible for their miserable condition.

what is a must i believe is to be more responsible towards our society, to enable a more balanced growth and to atleast make a true attempt to handle the root issues. killing few terrorist, dismantling a few camps wont achieve anything in the long run. a program that involves dialouge and active participation to understand the concerns of every section of our society and true spirit for everybody's growth is only way out or rather only action worthy of an attempt, worthy of being spread...are we game!

mumbai attacks

lets pray this stops and lets hope some concrete steps are taken for the future. our army is largest in the world, next only to china. why cant we just devote few days of their full strength and take care of this internal issues once and for all.

and let us pray and spread understanding so that it doesn't end up being hindu muslim thing. this times call for collective strive to reaffirm our beliefs in what is right and not bend to terrorist whims by taking a course they want us to take: hate and fight amongst ourselves.

i know it is easy to be here and speak this stuff, but i dont know what else to do.

let us hope, hope and hope and never stop believing in humanity, in conscience and in collective strength.

Cairo, 27th Nov 2008

To jump without a net is the scariest thing imaginable and it's the essence of courage. To weave a net first the essence of intelligence. The Definition of Insanity is to jump believing you can weave the net midair.

source: status message of my college senior

why?

i know not why i feel thus today
feeling cheated or rather left behind
i dont know what hurts..my heart or ego
a part of me wants to leave things behind
but why it has to be thus..why?
why i am feeling so small and helpless
why i feel bad for not being there for a friend
it isn't my fault..always excuses. why?

7 X 7

13-03-08

The days here are numbered
Tick tock.. I am losing them
Its time.. I will have to start letting go
I close my eyes..take a deep breath

My imagination starts running wild
Incidences flashing before me, filling me with nostalgia
I wait..holding this moment for a while
Imagination again running wild, stopping elsewhere

Some memories I will be carrying with me
Some people my heart wont let go
Lots of learning and development that makes me
All his I cherish as I countdown the days

I came to this place, young and wild
Always ready to put myself into action
My energy undirected, used up now and then
I see clearer goals today, stronger principles for direction

In people I got many gems
Highes density of goodness with greatness
Open hearted, passionate and talented people
Simple in living, high in thinking

Opportunities to prove myself, I had many
Peaks to climb, choices to give myself to
To pursue my purpose, to rediscover it
Development of self in closest to Utopian world

Failure to learn from, passionately unlearning at times
To try again with more vigour, more understanding
The ability to loose, humbleness developed by success
Led to self belief in changing the world

I see all this I take for granted here
I know I will have to let go this habit
I know I will have to be ready for the real world
Anxiety rising in my heart..I countdown the days

PS: title is 7X7 because I wrote this poem 49 days before 30th April on 13-03-08 and 7 happens to be my lucky number.

manmohan singh and corporate india

Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh gave a statement that corporates should look at the renumeration they are paying to top management. He also mentioned about the vulgar display of wealth in marriages and parties leading to social unrest. The ideas he speaks off are truly fair but his commitment towards them coming at a time when congress is losing assembly election is questionable. Still since the thought is expressed and the thought is fair, one should analyse it.

if one really looks, one would realise that a labour getting Rs 60/day can never be justified if someone else is being paid in lakhs/month because ratio of their effort can never be so large. only market forces shouldn't drive everything, conscience and fairness should also rule.

marriages in India have always been big affairs but the celebration puts bride's side often in desperate position. though the whole event generates employment, but is very hard on some of the families.

If we are fair and just, we would realise that there is a lot to be changed and just the thought isn't enough, much more needs to be done. Ex: if executives are paid lower in India, they are capable enough to migrate and creating shortages which will put more pressure on the demand-supply curve. The only way out seems to be uniformity of this practices across the globe... but is it possible ?

triveni...

do bund aakhon se tapki aur mitti main mil gayi
kisine nahi dekha, hum bas umeed karte re gaye
pata nahi ye mann ka deepak bujhta kyun nahi.

yeh mann mera mera nahi, mujhe bathkata hain
jane din raat kya kya sapne dikhata hain
jo isse sabse pyara hain uske khilaf bhi le jata hain

maine jab mohabbat ki thi to khudko piche chod diya tha
phir kisi ne dil ko chuwa to uska ho gaya tha
koi gunah to nahi kiya, par dard dikhta hain mujhe meri aakhon main.

prisoner's dilemma

lately i have thinking about thoughts we have...how many of the things seem so trivial and yet doesn't work out. in game of prisoner's dilemma if both players cooperate, payoff to each is say 4, if one cooperates and other defaults, defaulter gets 7 and cooperator -2, if both default they each get nothing. here defaulting is dominant strategy but if games are repeated it will lead to losses as both the player would default.

i came across an example in a book "Games Indians Play" by Raghunathan. he talked of an experiment involving interaction of various world dwellers in which everyone's aim is to maximize his/her own payoff. various strategies were put to challenge, a tit for a tat, a tit for two tats, continuous defaulting after a tit (Grim strategy), random defaulting amidst cooperation, etc.. players with all these strategies were made to play in an simulation environment and the winner was - a Tit for a Tat also called Gentleman Strategy. All other strategies which seemed to be smarter hurt each other so much that they failed. taken on one to one basis, this strategy seem to loose as either you would be at par with opponent or a loser, but in many player environment, opponents come to know you and realize that they can cheat you once and win but would eventually loose out on much reward, so they stop defaulting... not so with other players who are random. Grim strategy loses out as by not forgiving, chances of future benefits are curtailed. thus being a "gentleman"[i should also use "lady" here], puts you in better position than any other strategy. COOPERATE till opponent defaults, DEFAULT till the opponent start cooperating again and continue, SIMPLE and a WINNER.
this idea is straight forward and proven to work, then why people don't apply it in their interactions, maybe because they feel only they can be good, or only they are smart or maybe they don't trust or they are fine with the things as it exists... or this thought which seems so trivial isn't so trivial.

perfection...

5-11-6

i see again those dreams
of perfection folded in my arms
again there is a desire
to break out of this self and reach it

why so strong a desire
yet so vague my vision
why the need for security
not so enthusiastic my actions

why the fear of losing
what i dont really want
why compromises for principles
for love, for whom i care

the desire for perfection
binds me now so strong
yet few moments pass
practical view settle, whoosh...its all gone

but traces will forever remain
sparks seldom will ignite
fuel for once i will give it
and reach out to fold my arms...

I will do it...lest I perish !